The Tales of Infinity

kamu bilang kamu sayang

kamu bilang kamu cinta

kamu bilang hidup kamu cuma buat saya

kamu berani mati buat saya

kamu minta saya percaya

saya harus percaya

namun terkadang kamu buat saya bingung

kamu egois

kamu sibuk sendiri

kamu minta diutamakan

saya ngga boleh menuntut

saya ngga boleh marah

ah, saya memang kurang mengerti kamu

tapi..

saya mau belajar mengerti dan mencintai kamu.

Tuhan itu lucu yah.. klo lagi ditanya tanya suka susah jawab.. well, the fact is he answers but i just don’t listen. but sometimes he just tells you before you ask. Hari ini “pastur” sisco (hahaha, it’s hard to call him pastur after manggil dia koko for the longest time) preached on sunday service, and God speaks to my heart thru him.

“some of you might wait to see someone far away.. some of you might be looking for a job” aiayayaya.. gue banget ngga sihhh. hehehe. and all you need is Faith. well, not only Faith sih.. it comes along with “do the best you can do, and God will take care the rest.” so yeah, you get the idea: I need to start sending my resume and apply to companies in Bay area.

Today, you read my blog and see how i start with Faith and of course, will do the best i can do.. but let’s witness and count how long do i need to wait til i get the job that God has provided for me. soalnya sometimes i simply amaze on how God works so miraculously.. my care group mates suka bilang.. “klo butuh di doa in buat kerjaan minta tOlong eteph aja, doa nya manjurrr, cepet dijawab.”

truly, it’s a privilege for me kalo Tuhan bener bener denger and prove to me that “God’s children can count on Him and His promises”.. tinggal di claim aja kalo ps hendra bilang sii. lucu aja that now is my turn buat minta di doa-in and well.. pray for myself buat dikasih the best Jobbb. so, it could be one day, one week, one month, two months, and hopefully no longer than that. hehehhee. but yes please, get back to my page some time later to witness His goodness.. [i hear some of you say Amennnnnnn!]

and if if if.. within some time Tuhan ngga kasi, i will not be discouraged. seriously. i will take it as a win win situation. well, at least i can see my loved ones sooner. =) hehehe. i believe that He has something best for me in Indo. bottom line is, no matter what happen, one year from now when you get back to my blog page, you will say.. “ow jadi ini toh rencana Tuhan buat dia.. indeed, He olweis gives the best to His Children”. [amennn lg donkkkkk]

so, ngga ada alesan buat nervous nervous interview donk?? yea rite. bLm apa apa aja uda deg deg an nih.. bukan sama kerjaan nya tapi sama interview questions nya.. since i’m a marketing major katanya mereka put so much attention on your communication skill (oral and writing), your personality, first impression penting banget, leadership skill mesti nonjol, achievements, good team player, etc etc. mesti siap siap and enhance my self nihhh with knowledge and prolly sum baju baru buat interview.. huahuahuhaa. kerjaan blom dapet uda splurge.. naaaah.

eniwei, i got some new addiction nihhh. baskin robbin ?? not anymoreee. Thanks to ci irene who introduced me to a new starbucks recipe of her own — green tea with lemonade and melon syrup. uenaaaaaaaaak. and one more addiction.. since i manjain my self with bare escentuals products, ini muka uda flawless abis tanpa jerawat!! you ladies should tryyyy!! their summer bisque face powder and mineral veil are simply the best!

so yeaps yeaps, i have to end my blog and start job huntingggg. dont forget to pray for me yaaah.

Love you love you all. XOXO.

so these are sum updates from a gurl who is confused at the moment as another door of life opens for her. i was browsing the internet when i got this call. last night was my dad’s third attempt to persuade me to take master degree. ahhhh, skola lagi yah? my answer so far is : No.

i told him that i have too many dreams already, want to start working full time, pengen ke shanghai, pengen cari kerja di indo, pengen start something on my own in indo, pengen pacaran jarak deket, and of course getting married. i’ve never wanted to go to skul lagi after this.. thus, squeezing 1.5 years for the sake of beautifying my name pake embel embel M.B.A? no, thank you. but anyway, dad has successfully made me think semaleman. speaking about “most wanted” candidate in town, kalo kamu ambil master finance, trs punya working experience in a corporate america, fluently speaks english and chinese daya tarik kamu pasti jadi double. not that the future is guaranteed to be easy and bright, but he asked me to at least think about it. apa sih yang saya mau? kenapa ngga pilih ini.. kenapa ngga pilih yang itu?

mr. soei — asik atuh!! ambil kalo kata gua mah.. jadi klo gua jadi kesana masih ada elu, cha. (euh, kepentingan pribadi itu mahhh!!!)

mr. M — menurut gue sih that’s great!!

gonkie — not everybody has that opportunity loh teph.. tau deh gue.. berat sama someone yang ditinggalin kan?

jc — kamu pulang dulu aja. we’ll pray about it. ok?

barbie viana — master degree. open a bigger chance to reach your dream kan?

etephio — bisa ambil master sambil sekul bahasa di china and skalian kerja ngga yah?

[in dilemma]

lately,

• broke — due to credit card bills after a long vacation
• feel so envious to see people going back to indo for summer
• relationship breakthrough, owwww yeaaa
• bare escentuals rawkss (seriously ladies, you should try their products!! all minerals!!)
• perfect weather everyday
• missing you, loving you, just cant live without you
• baskin robbins addiction : on (doh, someone is so responsible for dis)
• future planning
• thinking of going to florida, boston, hawaii, and canada
• applying for full time job
• getting closer to Him
• looking forward to see good and beautiful things ahead of me

ciaO bella

life is a circle

circle of choices

yesterday, i was your victim

the victim of dignity, pride, love

today, i hold your life

given the power to break to comfort to steal to stand

ah, the antagonist says “time to revenge”

Yet, the inner being says “no, that is not you”

it’s a battle of the mind

for i love you

for the future

for everything

for the friendship

for betrayal

i have decided

to give you a chance

to taste to feel to know the true meaning of love

chance for you to be stronger

chance to be loved

chance to love

chance to learn the meaning of faithfulness

for that i have to kill the antagonist

and let the inner being win the battle

for life is about learning from yesterday

live for today

hope for tomorrow

i give you the chance

to live to love to be loved

God loves me the most

and yet,

He loves you the most,

TOO.

[truly from the heart, i love you, and i learn to love you, still.]

my niu bloggg ayayaaa. so happy to find wordpress.com.. i’ve been lookin for an advance blog that has an import/export feature to move my blog entries from friendster.

it has been so long since i last blogged yah. too many things happened in this past 2 months.. my family visit, vacation, graduation, and all. that was a-two-month-blast- that gave me an extra strength to continue on my -last year of stay in the united states of America-

anyhuu, i was planning to delete my blog on friendster and start a niu one. the reason behind that was.. starting last week i got a privilege to lead praise and worship on Sunday service together with c lili and next week with c wen. throughout the preparation process, i watched so many worship leader training videos starting from ps Tanto – darlene – israel – sydney..

one thing for sure, worship leader, it is not only about how good you are, how cool you are leading in the front.. but far beyond, it’s a lyfe style.

there was one person whom i truly respect, who finally touch on my lyfe style.. and i can’t be more happier for her input. you wont see me cheating stealing lying and doing all these “Huge” sins.. but being a worship leader requires more than simply avoiding those sins and applying golden rule. it is truly a life style that blesses others. yes, i re-read thru my old blog and realize that i have written so many blogs yang isinya bener bener junk. i barely cursed, but i did. people have been telling me that they read my blog.. flattered to know that my very young friends, pastors, and random people from all around the world enjoy reading it. so what is so wrong with me knowing that orang orang baca bukannya kasi bacaan positive kadang malah bikin orang ngerutin dahi!! so much of self inconsistency..

so yeah, the idea of having niu blog is to have a fresh start to bless others thru my words..

but no. i decided to keep my old wicked cute funny joyful arrogant innocent blogs so that you know that indeed, nobody is perfect. some of you might not know that i also have a crazy and rebellious past.. (i came to IFGF atlanta with a nose piercing btw) a teenager who lost and seek her identity by bringing her rebellious self to united states.

sering banget i got message from high school friends yang bilang “gile teph, loe berubah 180 derajat”.. those people who witnessed my past.

Thank Jesus for his marvelous grace that opened my eyes and brought me to a whole new world.. that i was allowed to experience so many bumps and challenges that shaped my characters. and so here i am today, still standing by His mercy and love. and still need to change in so many ways.

begin with a promise to write a blog that inspires, blesses others.. start from this blog. ya ya, doesnt mean that ini mata jadi ngga bisa liat cute guys (heyyy, emang klo wL and uda punya pacar jadi ngga bisa liat cowo cakep??).. but my blog title wont be [awww, cute guy ngajak kenalan gimana nih] but instead [how to cast out a cute guy from approaching you ] hahahhaa.

i will always remember that…

“i know teph, mungkin orang bilang — koq kamu gini kamu gitu tanpa tau kamu yang sebenernya.. i know that kamu mau gimana juga kan itu hidup kamu.. kamu yang tau.. but unfortunately people judge. so it is better buat hati hati in your actions, perkataan, and behaviors.” for i know how hard it is buat “mengembalikan reputasi baik” when people judge us.

sydney mohede once told me when i asked him his worship leading’s secret.. “kita tuh dimata Tuhan kaya anak kecil lagi ngegambar wajah papinya.. far far beyond from perfection.. tapi waktu anak itu bilang daddy, look i draw your face..daddy will always say.. “wow, good job..” eventho the drawing looks ugly” Tuhan itu perfect luar biasa.. sebagus bagus nya kita ngga akan bisa sempurna.. jadi our part is simply to give the best that we have, to live our life to the fullest, and give it all to him..”

with blessing from san francisco.