The Tales of Infinity

"The general cry is against ingratitude, but the complaint is misplaced, it should be against vanity; none but direct villains are capable of willful ingratitude; but almost everybody is capable of thinking he hath done more that another deserves, while the other thinks he hath received less than he deserves." [Alexander Pope]

i’ve neVer felt so grateful and thankful in my entire life.. tiL today. never thought that by listening to somebody’s journey of life would change my perspective.. on the way i see problems, bumps, obstacles and challenges in life..

Got a precious chance to have a deeply sharing with my cO-worker at my working place.. (dont think it’s apprOriate to write her name so i keep it confidential..)

as you all know, i work at my skul as a student assistant.. and by chance, i got to know one skinny, miX african american – white lady who always work on the same shift with me.. she was kinda reserved and quiet at the very first.. but as the time goes, she turned out to be pretty nice and talkative..

and today, we had a long conversation……….

it was started with a light and random chit chat.. like "where do you live" and "who do you live with" etc.. but the conversation was getting kinda deep when she mentioned that life has been really tough and hard for her lately, and she feels that she will need to talk to a counselor cos she’s really depressss..

apparently, the hard and tough life that she mentioned was this: this gurl has to be the backbone in the family cos her mom had breast cancer and passed away when she was 16, her dad left her family long time ago.. she doesn’t even know where he is.. her older brother is unemployed.. what a pain/hard/fragile life of a 21 years old – skinny – young lady has to go thru.. working full time, and have to carry all of the family burden (she has 3 other younger siblings btw)..

well, how about this: she was taken care by her aunt about 2 yrs ago, but her aunt was so mean to her.. " i cant stand her anymore.. and so i moved out..", she also said that her aunt cursed her and even wanted her to die..

i captured a great bitterness and anger inside of her..

one last thing she said, "i dont know if i supposed to tell you this.. but i tried to commit suicide so many times.. but i always failed to do so.."

ah, i was there.. listen to somebody’s life..

wont deny nor defend..

tears inside my heart..

beg for my forgiveness from God..

cos here i am.. a girl with a wonderful family.. lovely mom and dad.. supported by parents, sorrounded by greatt friends, lovely boyfriend.. lovely God.. but found out that many times i keep on complaining to God for nothing..

shame on me..

i continued to listen and comforted her.. i said, "believe me that you’re not alone.. You have God.. see? you always failed in committing suicide.. that really means that God still gives you a chance to live.. cos i believe that He has a great future for you to taste.."

she was starring at me.. her eyes said : "i knew it.."

i convince her that everything is gonna be alrite.. amazingly, God drove me to say to her not to hate her aunt.. cos bitterness will obstruck her to grow.. and yes, she was almost cried.. i see how God touched her heart.. so glad to know that God must have provided a great future for her..

it’s really amazing to realize that this kind of sharing actually blessed both party.. she, and i, personally feel really blessed too.. so amazing, cos it seems like i get a translation on what i’ve heard from my pastur, Ps Hendra on the last bible study.. that we have to stop complaining things and see everything in a positive way..

we will see our life differently when we stop complaining and if we know that our life is truly a gift from God..

tapi one thing for sure sih im so grateful that i attended the minister retreat last month, where i got a chance to listen to one testimonial about getting out from your bitterness that will obstruck you to grow.. and all of the spiritual food that i got from bible study/caregrOup.. all of them.. kynya uda filled and equiped me til hari ini.. where i can seriOusly share what God has taught me lately..

it seems like after we listen to God’s words, they get lost somewhere.. but apparently it’s not!! when it comes to the right time.. right person.. God will reminds you of all things you’ve heard and He basically just give you the word of wisdom for you to tell others.. how great is that??

it’s about putting seeds on others life..

and ahh… the purpose of me sharing all of this things in life is really supaya all of you, the readers, can learn, and blessed by others experiences without have to experience it.. and start to put seeds on others’ life..

well, now i see the purpose of being me.

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

George Bernard Shaw (1856 – 1950)

iCare ^_*

['e protagonist - teph]

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just read an articLe abOut the phenomenal, most legendary puBlic figure of all time.. the most beautiful artist from the 50’s Marlyn Monroe..

 

well, she’s awesOme, indeed.. and out of the long article that i read about her, what really impressed me is tHis sentence.. "Marilyn Monroe is one of the most charismatic movie stars in recent memory; her profound presence on the silver screen has enthralled many generations….."

Yupss, what really gets my attention is the word "charisma"..

The word charisma (from the Greek word kharisma, "gift" or "divine favor," from kharizesthai, "to favor," from kharis, "favor"), is often used to describe an ability to charm or influence people. It refers especially to a quality in certain people who easily draw the attention and admiration of others due to a "magnetic" quality of personality, and by virtue of which s/he is ’set apart’ from ordinary people and treated as endowed with supernatural, superhuman, or at least specifically exceptional powers or qualities. Charismatic ability modifies dice rolls concerning communication, persuasion, and inspiring trust in others. [wikipedia]

and this time.. im not gOnna taLk aBout Marilyn Monroe.. =) =)

why? coS when i think of the word CharisMa.. the persOn that comes acCross my mind is nOt marilyn monrOe.. but surpringLy.. My Dad – babeH AaY.. hehehe..

ceritain a lil bit aBout him yah.. =)

couple days aGo, me and my other half ngObrOl" seru on the pHOne.. and when we talked abOut "kalo aku pulang indO maU maen kemana.." all of sudden he got all deGdeGan when i said that we haVe tO spend sumtime with my family this tiMe..

i was liKe "kamu masih nerVous apa klo ktemu Papi aku?"

masihh bangettt.

"hah.. ! kamu kan uda ktemu dia hundreds of time.."

ia, tapi charisma nya Papi kamu itu loohhh.. bikin orang nervOus..

"huahuahuhaua.. "

that’s accOrding to my BF..

and i remember my conversation with my supir dulu.. (just for my curiosity and being kePo.. hehehe.. i like tO ask my dad’s emPloyees ini itu.."

one daY, i asked Ocid..

"gimana mang Ocid, seneng ngga kerja sama Papa??"

he was like "senang sekali, ka.. saya mah udah 7 taun kerja sama Papa.. Baiiik banget bapa mahh, merhatiin pisan ke pendidikan anak anak saya teh… (with his strOng sundanese accent..)  cuman ka.."

"cuma kenapa mang??"

takut saya mah sama Bapa teh.. kalo nyetirin Papah, saya mah suka ngadarekdek (gemeteran).. tuh, mang maman (the other supir) biLang sama saya.. katanya mendingan disuruh nyetir yang jauhh aja sendirian.. daripada nyupirin bapa dari rumah ke kantor..

"ghuhahahahahhaha" masa sihhhhh….

and the conversation went on.. continue with my supir jadi curhat tO me.. huehuehue..

so yesss, i’ve heard a LoTTT of thOse things.. frOm my supir, my uNcLe, my friends, to my Boyfriend.. smuanya bilang begitu.. there is something inside him (dad).. yg bikin orang nerVous.. hahaha..

and i rarely sadar aBout my dad’s charisma.. aneh yah??

abisnya.. all my life, i’ve seen how my dad "kalah" with my youngest little sister.. how sweet he treats mom.. how funky he is klo ngomong sama anaK"nya.. and how hillarious his joKes are..

  [we have the same smile...]

[dad mom]

He, my Dad, in his 44 years of aGe, funkyyy abis, full of smile, lovely, lovable, a change christian Man since dia idup deket sama Tuhan, love his family so much, ber-Kharisma, and aahh.. he is just the best dad that anyone could ask.. =)

[dad me mom]

isnt it great when peOple recognize your kindness, but then they respect you at the same time..? Cos’ what usually happen is.. orang jahat yah disebelin.. and kalo orang bae orang biasanya manfaatin..

my friend, jane, wrOte me a testimonial, and there was one sentence yg bikin shocKed, "jangan tralu bae and cin cai sama orang teph.. Ntar loe dimanfaatin.."

haah.. so Good yah if i have chariSma.. being bae and peOple will still seGen and wont disrespect you.. *sigH*

but yeah, realizing that orang yg paling deket with me has that kind of quality.. harusnya saya belajar/mempelajari haL" baiknya dia.. who know.. since he is my Dad, ada someKind of genetiC apaa gitu yg menurun .. hueheuhue.. klo yg nurun cuma "cerewetnya dia aja sihhh.. kebangetan dehh* ghuhuahuhauhaa..

but yaah, i think charisma and wisdOm are tied together.. peOple cant see you "berkharisma" if you dOnt have wisdOm.. and wisdOm, is, what i’ve been asking God to give to me.. the saying "sekali mendayung dua tiga pulau terlampaO-i", meaning that klo Tuhan kasi wisdOm artinya kasih charisma juga.. hehhee..

what makes me even geregetan pengen belajar to have the wisdOm and charisma is.. the woman of PrOverBs 31.. if you happen tO read it, isnt it isinya represent cw yg full of wisdOm and charisma, but very gentle at the same time?

so what comes to my cOnclusiOn is that we, as a christian wOman, have to striVe and learn, to be a charismatiC-full of wisdOm woman of God, but nurut sama suami at the same time, meaning that we have tO be powerful and pOwerless at the same time..

naaahh.. cowo", cintain tuhh your cw/pacar/fiance/wife.. coS seriOusly..

IT’S SO HARD TO BE A WOMAN!! hehehehe

i end this BloG with this beatiful quote..

"We need less posturing and more genuine charisma. Charisma was originally a religious term, meaning "of the spirit" or "inspired." It’s about letting God’s light shine through us. It’s about a sparkle in people that money can’t buy. It’s an invisible energy with visible effects. To let go, to just love, is not to fade into the wallpaper. Quite the contrary, it’s when we truly become bright. We’re letting our own light shine.” [Marrianne Williamson]

altalavista – eeeemmmmmuuuuaaaaacccchhhhh….

[e' protagOnist]

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thursday, sore".. gLoomy, cloudy, cold.

my playlists: [trust the voice within-christina aguilera, valentine, i knew i loved you-savage garden, i wanna be with you-mandy moore].. shuffle mode: ON..

the songs been repeating for 100 times..

time to reLax.

"you deserve it".. my soul says..

after the most tiring and busy, monday-tuesday-wednesday. didnt sleep well for the last 3 nights.

and now.. here i am.. shut my self dOwn… relax-relax.

the lyric of saVage garden i knew i loved you resounds in my head..

"Maybe it’s intuition
but some things you just don’t question
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes,
I think I found my best friend
I know that it might sound
more than a little crazy
but I believe…

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life"

sweet.

hmmm…

time to think.. time to flashbacK.

what happen yah this past weeK…

mondaY kayanya fine..

how about tuesday..? nothin mucH to tell. ok aja.

wednesday.. hmm.

there’s something that bothers me.. simple thing tho’.. but very principal.

pardOn me for curhat-ing disini.. coS i love the art of BLOgging.. "translating what’s in your heart- what’s in your mind.. frOm thought to words.. and a lot of times i cant find the right words to express my feeling. Just like what dee (the writer of SuperNoVa) says.., "keindahan dan keagungan-Mu tak terungkap oleh kata.."

perasaan tak terjamah oleh kata..

pikiran tak terungkap oleh tulisan..

seriOus mode: ON

hehehehe..

last wednesday..

it was just a regular working day.. i was sitting in frOnt my cOmp at the art Lab, when Kathleen (my supervisor) came inside.. she’s a very nice lady.. sweet,friendly, but yet tegas banget..

that day, i can see from her face expression that she was not so happy, a lil tired..

Kathleen: "Stef, i’ve been having prOblem with your co-worker who dont follow the rules in the art lab.."

me: what happen?

Kathleen: "yes, you know that for the print joB, we have a 24 hour turn arOund right?? and many times.. your co-worker help the students to print their project and give it right away to them.. and that’s not right at all"

me: hmm

Kathleen : "i dont know if you do that too…"

me: yes, i did that sometimes..

Kathleen: "from now on.. you cant do that.."

(so.. ceritanya.. one of my job di art lab is.. nge print-in anak" art punya projects.. and waktu mrk nge drop in their work, we have a 24 hours turn around.. jadi mrk baru bisa ambiL hasil print nya the next day.. but a lot of times.. they finished the project on the last minute.. and so they came up to me and said.. "can you pleaseee help me to print this?? this is my midterm, and it’s due in an hour..")

and i help them..

to print one project itu palingan takes 5 minutes.. jadi i dont mind helping them.. lagian im not busy koq mOst of the time..

right after Kathleen said that.. somebody rang the doorbell.. that was Arthur MargiV, one of the art student yg sering dateng to print stuffs..

"hei Stef, can you help me to print this.."

"ok.. i will print it.. You can pick it up tomorrow.."

"no.. no.. can you print it now?? it’s due.."

"sorry.. but i cant.. we have a rule of..

"i know i know.. but i cant finish it yesterday.. i was really busy.. please help me…. (arthur is Russian.. he doesnt speak english well.. so he was begging me with his limited english yg campur aduh with russian accent.. *aduhhhh at that time i just wantt to help himmm*).. [Kathleen was there..]

"please… help me.. coS my professor dont accept late work.."

Kathleen : sorry,, that’s your problem.. nOt ours..

me: sorry arthur..

after he left.. Kathleen said..

"Stefannie.. dont be so soft hearted.., dont help them, follow the rule please.. so you wont be busy and bisa santai.."

me: hmm.. so i get paid buat santai" huh?? (of cOurse dalem ati ngOmongnya.." hehhee)

so yeah.. aneh ngga sih?? when sebenernya i can help the students.. it only takes 5 minutes to print.. and i dOnt have anything tO do either.. mo nOlongin tapi ngga bisa..

just feel weird afterwards.. and jd mikir.. si arthur gimana nasiBnya yah??? hueheuhe..

but yeah, of course.. when i cerita-in this to my darlin’.. he will 100% nOt agree with me..

"ia donkk.. kamu harus ikutin rules nya! ntar students nya jadi kebiasaan ngandelin kamu.."

me: "ya, but i know how it feel.. when you really" dont have time to finish it.. and finally finish it..uda sampe ngga tidur".. and when you are aBout to print it.. tau nya ngga bisa.."

"ia, soalnya kamu kaya mereka.. last minute-an jg.. itu kebiasaan jelek.. ato.. jangan" kamu naksir yah sama si arthur.."

GUBRAKK..

————————————————————-

oh well..

ya uda lah.. follow the rules aja deh biar aman…

are you disappointed with me? cOs the protagonist could not stand nor defend herself this time ? sorry..

i could not win all the time..

Peace of heart that is won by refusing to bear the common yoke of human sympathy is a peace unworthy of a Christian. To seek tranquility by stopping our ears to the cries of human pain is to make ourselves not Christian but a kind of degenerate stoic having no relation to Christianity. [A. W. Tozer]

The true call of a Christian is not to do extraordinary things, but to do ordinary things in an extraordinary way. [Dean Stanley]

[e' protagOnist]

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